Every day. Everything is hard. Seems pretty unnecessary to do anything. Passing time. No – time passes. I sit. I say hello. I smile. So many greys. My mouth feels heavy. My whole body feels heavy. Knees ache. I sit for so long. I have been sitting for over 8 years. Here, in this place. Sitting, saying hello, smiling. I want to be outside. I want to be light; not heavy. I want to run with a spring in my step; not have aching knees. My breath needs to be pressed out in a sigh. Each breath. Stuck. Why get up? Why? It wouldn’t be bad to stay asleep. Time would still pass. I know this place in my head. I hate this place. It’s comfortable and suffocating all at once. I can cuddle up with it and have my flesh melted off. Numb and painful all at once. Stuck.